Strippers Shouldn't Lower Themselves

Just worked this past Saturday. I made $800 in five hours. I'm not shallow - I know money can't buy happiness, but it sure feels great to be able to support yourself.

That being said, I find that I am encountering more men at work who seem baffled that I am in this profession. Yes, I am intelligent and college-educated. Still, a girl's gotta make a living, and my day job doesn't pay nearly enough. "You're above all this," they often say. But I don't believe that there is anything wrong with what I do. I'm a dancer, not a prostitute. Unlike many of my co-workers, I do not allow men to touch me, nor do I offer "extras."

Please don't misunderstand me. There is nothing wrong with prostitution. However, a strip club is not the place for a prostitute. By offering sexual services for money, certain strippers make it all the more difficult for clean, honest dancers who aren't whores.

Here's an interesting story:

This past Saturday, a customer approached me and asked for a room. He then asked what kind of contact I allowed. "I won't lie," I replied. "I don't allow touching and I'm not a prostitute. If that's what you're looking for, I won't waste your time."

The man hesitated. I expected him to walk away. Instead, he told me that he respected my standards and spent over $1,100 on a champagne room.

See? Nice, honest girls can finish first.

This past Saturday was a dud. Bachelor party season usually brings out the worst in me. The summer most likely equals crowds of super drunk, young guys who are more interested in attempting to get your phone number and high-fiving their friends than tipping you on stage. These guys are too naive to realize that stripping is a job, not a hobby that exhibitionist women do to escape Saturday night boredom.
Sorry, boys-compliments aren't dollars. If I'd made a dollar for every time I heard "oh my god, you're sooo hot" from some twenty-something asshole in a collared shirt, I'd be a damn millionaire.

My Favorite Stripper Songs

"Moneymaker"-Rilo Kiley
"Digital Bath"-Deftones
"No Ordinary Love"-Deftones
"The Red"-Chevelle
"Carmen Queasy"-Maxim featuring Skin
"Crazy"-Aerosmith
"Androgyny"-Garbage
"I Need You"-Lynyrd Skynyrd
"Turn the Page"-Metallica

Out of Retirement

Saturday, June 14, 2008 was the first night I've worked in almost a year. I was a bit nervous, but, not unlike swimming or riding a bike, stripping is an ability that one never forgets.

When I took the stage, all the dancer moves that I've acquired throughout the years immediately came back to me. It was strange-a year is a long time, but it feels like I've never left the bright lights, loud music and catty dancers that are so characteristic of the stripping world.

That being said, there was not a single dancer that I knew. Most of the girls were newer, younger and more naive. Most of them talked about "going back to school" or "going to school someday." Sadly, a majority of them never acquire an education. An unfortunate statistic. Several of them were more concerned with drinking or getting high after work than anything else. I guess I've never understood that.

Luckily, the crowd was mostly older. This is great, because young guys are rude, cheap and looking for a girlfriend. I made about $500-not bad for my first night out of retirement. :)

I Want to be a Dancer!

Stripping is about entertainment, not perfection. So don't feel that you aren't worthy of the stage simply because you aren't a Jessica Alba clone. Strippers know that they have to work with what they've got. I've worked in clubs where overweight or unconventionally attractive dancers made more money than thinner girls with balloon-like implants. As cheesy as it sounds, every woman is beautiful in her own way. Believing in your own unique beauty and accentuating your special talents and abilities will enhance your confidence, and confidence is sexy as hell. But we'll get to that part later. First, some things that all strippers need:

1. High heels
The higher the better! If you're uncomfortable teetering around in six-inch stilettos, try a lower heel. Some clubs have heel height requirements, but most managers will understand if you're a newbie. I've found some great shoes on eBay, trashy.com and electriqueboutique.com (Most are available in a variety from six to eight inches).

2. Some good-ass music!
Find some music that you find sexy and sensual. Yes, there are the typical stripper anthems, such as "Girls, Girls, Girls" by Motley Crue and "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard, but feel free to choose the tunes that you feel comfortable with. I prefer slower ballads or rock songs, like those by Garbage, Esthero, Adema and Chevelle.

3. A few sexy outfits
For some reason, many companies that design clothing exclusively for strippers offer their products at ridiculously high prices. You don't need to drain your bank account to purchase some sexy duds for your first few sets. Fredericks.com, trashy.com and eBay.com feature all sorts of lingerie at affordable prices. I've even purchased a few basic items at Target or Macy's. (I will include clothing specifics at a later time.)

4. Exercise.
Fat girls. Skinny girls. Short girls. Tall girls. Men love 'em all. You don't have to be a stick with a set of fake double-D's to make money in the stripping world. That being said, you also want to look your best. Exercise, without a doubt, makes you feel better and look healthier.
Stripping is extremely physically demanding. I had always considered fitness a priority and worked out regularly. But my first set on stage kicked my ass. It's one thing to go out dancing with your friends at a club. It's another to do it in eight inch heels. Exercise! (If your idea of exercising is picking out Chee-tos between your couch cushions during commercial breaks of LOST, start with just 30 minutes of walking a day.)

5. Make-up
If you're a basics kinda girl, familiarize yourself with a make-up routine that brings out your best features. Many girls believe that in a strip club setting, the more make-up, the better. This isn't always true. Finding the make-up routine that suits you and is easy to touch-up is essential. I find that a good bronzer, pink lipgloss, dark eyeliner and shadow make for a glamorous and sexy stripper look. But that's just me. I will include make-up basics in a later post.

6. Confidence
You've heard it before. Confidence is sexy. In the stripping world, this is even more true. Acting like you're the hottest woman in the club can do wonders for boosting your clientele. How can you boost your confidence? Find outfits that flatter your figure. Wear your favorite perfume. Study and talk to women who appear to possess unfailing confidence.

What's it Like to be a Stripper?

I began dancing as a freshman in college as an easy way to pay my tuition and room and board. I quickly learned that dancing is not just a job, it is a lifestyle. Even though I attended a large college of over 30,000 students, I was often recognized by idiotic frat boys, professors and students. While the male populous generally pointed, stared or made stupid, male noises, the female students were especially vindictive, whispering amongst their friends and labeling me a slut.

That being said, it was pretty awesome to be financially successful among an endless sea of broke-ass college kids. I was able to easily afford rent, food, books and clothes, while also possessing the ability to treat my close friends to dinners and expensive bottles of champagne.

If you're considering stripping, please ask yourself if you're ready to be labeled a stripper. Because, unfortunately, once you are seen in this aspect, many people will not be able to view you as anything else. Yes, it's unfair, it's immature, it's a pain in the ass. But it's the way it is. So, please think carefully. Once the word gets out, your name will forever be heard alongside with, "Oh, yeah, did you hear she's a stripper?" (Men: "Dude, that's awesome!" [high five]) (Women: "What a skank! I would never do that!") Men will think you're easy. Women will hate you, mainly because they are envious and do not understand how hard you work. And people will find out. The girls in your dorm. Your friends from home. Your teacher's assistants. I experienced cruelty from many female students and teachers, all because they knew I was a dancer and decided to hate me before they even knew me (I felt like Shrek).

If you're a college student, you should be also be prepared to wake up for an 8 a.m. class after working until 3 a.m. While it may be very tempting to let your education take second priority to your new, lucrative job (in which you will probably make as much money as your professors), I don't recommend this. An education is very important, even if you pursue dancing after college.

If you still decide that you want to strap on the seven-inch Lucite heels, I would advise in relaying your decision to one or two close friends whom you absolutely trust. Don't tell the world. If your friends argue with you, let them know that you value your opinion, but that you have made your decision. Don't let them scare you with horror stories of stalkers, rape and scenes from I Know Who Killed Me. If you're smart about dancing, you can keep yourself safe and anonymous.

Diablo Cody

Has anyone seen Juno? Loved it. Diablo Cody is smart, funny and extremely talented. However, I wasn't a huge fan of her book, Candy Girl. While I'm all about strippers who can prove themselves to be intelligent and witty, I disliked Cody's approach to dancing. She possessed a condescending, "I'm not really one of them" type of attitude. I also disliked how she openly slept with a customer because she wanted to be one of her club's high-earning girls.

Two wonderful dancer bios are Strip City by Lily Burana (who, ironically, composed a short summary that was placed on the jacket of Cody's book) and Bare by Elisabeth Eaves. Both are worthwhile reads and offer a realistic perspective into the dancing world.

If you've read a great stripper bio, article, book or novel, let me know!